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A
New Now
by Dr. Lynne
Curry
Question:
In more ways
than I can count, I’ve messed up. I’ve made some serious
mistakes that almost cost me my career. I’ve alienated co-worker
friends and former employers and permanently damaged relationships
with two or three key customers that are cripplingly in an
industry like mine in which everyone knows everyone else. At this
point, my only chance for career salvation seems to be to move to
the East Coast but I don’t want to do that.
How does one do a
mea culpa and get others to believe it? I’ve tried to schedule
luncheons with two former customers and each simply said they were
“sorry but terribly busy,” and I know what that means. I had a
heart to heart with one of my former co-worker friends last Friday
and explained I now realized what a jerk I’d been and wanted to
make amends. She said she understood but I can tell she’s in a
“jury’s out” mode and thinks I’m possibly just running a
new scam. I hate what I did in the past but am unwilling to let it
destroy my future. What can I say to get back the trust and
respect I’ve lost?
Answer:
Although you
can’t regain lost trust, you can earn new trust and respect. To
earn trust, you have to do more than talk a good story; you have
to visibly and dramatically change your ways.
Start by
admitting what you did wrong to yourself and others. We all
respect those who honestly admit mistakes. Then make genuine amend
by reversing your former actions. If in the past you used others,
offer to be of service to them. If in the past you weren’t
straight with others, tell the truth from this moment on, even
when the truth hurts, shows you in a bad light or works against
you.
No matter how bad
your past was, you can make each moment a new now – if you’re
willing to back your words with action.
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