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Is
Just Checking Sex Harassment?
by Dr. Lynne
Curry
Question:
Last week I attended a conference and met an extremely
good-looking, vibrant woman. I wanted to ask her out but didn’t
want to make a fool of myself by asking out a married woman. I
know someone in her company and want to call and ask if she’s
married.
Occasionally, our
company hires employees from her company to do work for our firm.
Because our companies have a working relationship, could I be
guilty of sex harassment if I call to find out whether or not she’s
single?
Answer:
According to attorney Chris Foote Hyatt, you can ask this question
without being guilty of sexual harassment. Says Hyatt, "Sex
harassment generally refers to behaviors a manager or employee in
a company takes against others in that company. Courts have held
that brief, unrepeated encounters of a mildly offensive sort that
do not affect a person's work performance or conditions of
employment are not sexually harassing. So unless prohibited by a
company policy, you can still ask a co-worker out for a date as
long as you make your request appropriately."
Because your two
companies have a working relationship, Hyatt suggests you first
check with your employer or personnel policy manual for conflict
of interest policy prohibiting employees from dating customers or
contractors who do business with the company. If no policies
prohibit dating between the female employee and the contractor,
then the contractor needs to recognize which actions would be
sexually harassing.
Hyatt also warns
that companies need to protect employees from customer behavior
and from the harassing actions of contractors the company employs.
However, says Hyatt, simply asking a third party whether or not
someone else is single doesn’t rise to the level of harassment.
In fact, "inquiring whether someone is married and asking for
a date is only prohibited if it will be used to bar someone from
employment or to discriminate against a person in compensation or
terms and conditions of employment, regardless of whether the
question comes from a manager, co-worker, customer, or
contractor."
According to
Hyatt, you stay within appropriate boundaries if you simply ask
whether or not this person is single and then politely see if she’s
interesting in a date. You would, however, step across boundaries
if she turns you down for a date and you repeatedly coax her to
reconsider, if you make inappropriate sexual comments in an
attempt to flirt, or if you pressure her through allies in her
company to develop a relationship. Hyatt suggests you also keep in
mind that initially consensual workplace romances can later morph
into harassment when one party wants to end the relationship and
the other continues to pursue. Further, "even if everything
stays rosy between the dating couple, discrimination may arise if
either the employee or contractor receives special work favors as
a result of having developed a romantic relationship with someone
from the other company."
Finally, before
you make that call, however, carefully select the person you ask
the "is she single?" question. If you ask the wrong
person, you risk creating an impression that you’re as or more
interested in romance as you are in work. You may even start a
landslide rumor mill. Are you willing to take that risk?
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