Articles

When You Work Next to a Crocodile
by Dr. Lynne Curry

Okay, you’re blameless. There wouldn’t be a problem if not for the defensive, negative, controlling jerk you work with -- a real crocodile.

You’ve tried your best to get along with him. Unfortunately, he makes working cooperatively together nearly impossible. When you ask him simple questions, you get a snapped, "How the heck should I know?" When you say "hi" in the morning he gives you a look that signals you’re smaller than a period. When you speak up at staff meetings, he rolls his eyes. When you try to discuss an issue, he attacks first and listens never. He turns simple matters into World War III. After even a brief encounter with him, you find yourself seething as you return to your desk.

After weeks of trying to get along, you reach your limit. When he barks at you, you snarl back. When you pass him in the hall, rather than speaking, you look straight past him. You spend hours researching answers to issues that, if you asked him, he could answer in minutes. And, when you complain to your supervisor, you hear what you didn’t expect. According to your supervisor, while "Crocodile" lacks a lot of interpersonal skills, his technical skills make him irreplaceable. Worse, your supervisor says from that what he’s personally seen in the last weeks, both you and "Crocodile" need to improve your attitudes.

"Whoa," you say, " he started it." You stalk off furious with your supervisor for being a coward and then you realize that while Mr. Crocodile started things, you joined him. You let him turn you into someone you’d rather not be. You decide while the real blame lies with both Crocodile and your supervisor, you can’t fix them. You can only tackle you.

What’s your best option when you don’t want to leave your job, when your supervisor refuses or can’t fix a jerk coworker and when you realize you’re becoming less than professional? Regardless of the crap your co-worker tosses your way, remain yourself. This doesn’t mean you need to swallow abuse, just that you not become abusive yourself.

Each time you meet your crocodile co-worker, treat him like a person. If you would ask a question in a positive tone of voice to any other co-worker, extend the same courtesy to the crocodile. If he snarls but gives you the information you need, listen to his words and tune out his tone like errant static on a record. If he becomes abusive, stay professional and say simply, "Sorry I don’t let anyone speak to me like that" and walk away. And, when you walk away from his desk, leave thoughts of him behind, knowing you’ve thus refused to allow his nastiness to become your own.

In the long run, when you work alongside a jerk you serve yourself best by declining to "give back as good as you get." Negative, reactive individuals poison office environments by making others feel and act bad. They play "gotcha," tarnishing everyone’s workday until they reduce others to their level of nastiness. You, however, allow them to do this to you. You can instead leave the poison of each negative encounter behind by not absorbing it.

Want to stay blameless? When you can’t control your co-worker, control yourself. Refuse to play a loser’s game.