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The
Dreaded Knock, No Name
by Dr. Lynne
Curry
Question:
One of my co-workers comes into my office daily with
complaints about our boss and several co-workers. I’ve gotten so
I dread his knock on my door and I’ve taken it shutting it but
he comes in anyway. When he leaves he always says he feels better
because he has me to talk to about these things. I’m tired of
listening because he just goes on and on about the same problems.
Is there a way I can get him to leave me alone without hurting his
feelings?
Answer:
Right now he hands you his problems and leaves your office
feeling refreshed. Of course he keeps coming back for more
comforting. The next time he launches into his litany, make him
work harder. Ask what he hope happens as a result of talking with
you. If he says he wants things better, suggest he go directly to
those he has issues with. If he says you make him feel better,
tell him you’re glad that talking to you helps him but that the
conversations leave you feeling drained. If he asks why, say you
don’t like hearing daily complaints about people you work with.
If he looks hurt, let him. He has the right to vent; you, however,
have the right to say "enough."
Question:
I promoted a loyal employee into management four months ago
and he’s turned into a little Hitler. He was always really easy
to work with – when I asked him to do things he did them right
away. I expected he’d quickly master his supervisory duties and
felt it would make my life easier to have one person to supervise
while he supervised the other four.
I began to
suspect I had a problem last week when I overheard a confrontation
between him and an employee. Then, I heard from that employee and
one other how much they hate him. This morning, the other two
employees came in to download and essentially confirmed what the
first two had said. He seems to think because he’s the
"boss" he has the right to order them around and yell
when he doesn’t get what he wants from them. This really takes
me by surprise because I like this guy. It also gives me a problem
– I don’t want to undo the promotion and go back to
supervising all five. How can I fix this?
Answer:
Before you believe what even four employees say about a new
supervisor, interview him. Your four employees may simply be
having hard time if your promotion of him in effect demoted them.
Alternatively,
you may have unintentionally promoted into supervision an employee
with an authoritarian point of view. These employees often relate
well to their managers because they respect those in authority but
fail as supervisors because they expect blind obedience and react
punitively when they don’t get it. If you don’t want to undo
the promotion, give this man training in how to supervise.
Teach him that
managers only succeed when employees respect them and that
employees only respect those who treat them with respect. Teach
him how to listen, how to give assignments rather than orders and
how to talk with rather than at employees.
Question:
This may seem unimportant, but I have a co-worker,
"Joe," who insists on calling me by a shortened version
of my name. I’ve repeatedly asked him to call me by my full
name, and when I confront him in person he apologizes but doesn’t
change his behavior.
I don’t like to
keep correcting him and so am tempted to let this go but the
shortened version he uses feels demeaning. Also, several
co-workers have commented that he seems to be condescending when
uses the shortened version of my name.
Answer:
He either finds your name difficult to remember or thinks it
unimportant to call you by the name you prefer. The next time you
talk with him, ask him what makes it hard to call you by your full
name. If he says it’s an awkward name for him to remember, ask
if he’ll make an extra effort.
If he apologizes
but continues to butcher your name, you’ve got several choices.
You can ask each time, "Please use my right name" until
he tires of being reminded. You can ask, "Is there a reason
you prefer the shorter name?" and if he says he likes
"Jo" better than "Joanna," you can call him by
an altered name, such as "Bubba" until he gets the
point. You can ask a friendly co-worker to help you by asking,
"Joe, who are you talking to?" when Joe uses shortens
your name in you co-worker’s presence. Finally, while the issue
seems small, you have the right to be called by the name you
chose.
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