Question:
I work next to an extremely hostile individual who hums "If I had a brain" whenever I'm at my desk. I've stopped speaking up in staff meetings because he rolls his eyes when I talk and makes caustic comments about what I say. When other employees make a mistake, he points in my direction and asks, "Have you been hanging around her?" The worst is I have dark arm hair and he's constantly cracking jokes about my "hairy" arms. How much do I have to take?? I've been trying to ignore him but it's getting to me. I complained to my supervisor who said "deal with it." I secretly think both men have problems with women.

Answer:
When a co-worker treats you with open contempt and your supervisor won't back you, you need to force a cease-fire without losing your cool. Ignoring a jerk only works if you mean it. When you pretend to ignore comments that truly hit home, your upset shows and the workplace bully gets the reaction he craves. The man you describe has taken the rope you handed him by allowing his comments to pass unchallenged and made a hammock from which he now comfortably slings arrows your way whenever he chooses.

Make the situation less comfortable for him by arming yourself with pre-made responses to douse his wisecracks. Workplace bullies wilt when others stand up to them because they can't take having returned what they dish out. Because you can predict he'll make a crack about your arms, consider saying, "You seem fascinated with my arms. Is there a problem you have we need to know about?" No matter what he then says, such as "It's not me, it's your hairy arms," respond, "Whatever you say, you just seem unusually fascinated." Other easy responses for nasty comments include "And your point is?" and "Pardon me" said in a voice that shows you can't believe someone would be so stupid as to say what he said. Finally, when he hums, say "off key".

Whatever you do, don't lose your temper or sink to his level of nastiness. Bullies thrive on button pushing and if you respond in anger you risk giving this guy the fix he craves. If you instead take him by surprise, you beat him at the game he tried to play.

I hope your co-workers join you in handling this workplace sniper. They need to realize we get the workplace we allow. Employees who remain silent when one co-worker slimes another lend tacit approval by their inaction. If one or more of your co-workers has the guts to say, "You offend me when you insult her," your bully may back off.

Finally, your supervisor needs to realize he loses too when he allows one employee to declare open season on another. First, he risks an eventual claim of hostile work environment if you happen to belong to a category protected by race, age, sex, religion or disability discrimination. Equally as important, any supervisor who lets one employee take regular pot shots at a co-worker loses employee respect, morale and productivity.