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Kisses
and Allies
by Dr. Lynne
Curry
Question:
One of the guys at work bought a huge jar of Hershey’s kisses
and travels through the office every morning greeting all the
young pretty employees with candy and, saying in a syrupy tone
"here’s a kiss". Pretty much everyone finds this tacky
and some of the girls tell him off because he’s kind
of an old goat but he keeps "honoring them with
chocolate" the next day.
I’m the office
manager but haven’t done anything about it because I don’t
want him or anyone else to think I’m jealous since he doesn’t
give those of us over forty chocolate. One of the other older
female employees, though, told me I have to handle it because he’s
sexually harassing the women to whom he gives chocolate. Any
suggestions?
Answer:
Given that almost everyone likes chocolate, you can start by using
petty cash to place a small dish of Hershey’s kisses on everyone’s
desk, thus pre-empting your office Don Juan.
Next, if your
position as office manager gives you supervisory status over this
man, you need to take action. Although he isn’t sexually
harassing employees by handling out chocolate, he’s annoying
those he continues to pester after they’ve told him to back off.
So, let him know
three things. First, he’s distracting everyone right at the
start of the day when you want employees to get to work and you
want him to stop. Second, jokes repeated daily grow stale. Third,
he’s making himself a potential target for a false sexual
harassment charge by behaviors that have a sexual
"flavor" and by ignoring those who’ve told him off.
Finally, although
this problem seems petty you can’t ignore it even if you fear
others will judge you as jealous. If you don’t take action, I
guarantee you some of the women who now tell him off will – and
you’ll have a larger mess on your hands.
Question:
I supervise an employee who’s likeable and professional, with
one flaw. When she asks me a question and doesn’t get the answer
she likes, she goes from person to person in the office until she
gets the answer she likes. Then, armed with that agreement, she
travels back to the others until she gets two or three individuals
agreeing that "if that’s what the two of you want it’s
okay with me". By the time the issue comes back to me it’s
been thoroughly discussed, debated and I’m faced with several
folks who wonder why I veto ideas "everyone" likes.
Answer:
Your employee missed her calling. She could make more money as a
lobbyist than by working for you. Given that she does work for
you, however, you need to have a short conversation with her about
embroiling the office in hallway discussions after you’ve
answered her questions.
Before you have
that discussion, however, take an honest look at your own management
style. Do you partially create this problem by arbitrarily turning
down ideas with merit? Do you overly control decision-making on
issues that impact employees, thus forcing them to find allies in
an effort to get you to see another side? Alternatively, do you
err on the other side, by being such a marshmallow, that you allow
employees to get their way as long as they garner enough votes? In
short, if you’re part of the problem, solve your part first.
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