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The
Plot
by Dr. Lynne
Curry
Question:
The co-workers in my last job plotted to get rid of me. I could
never figure out why they didn’t like me but they definitely did
whatever they could to make sure I didn’t succeed. They forgot
to give me crucial phone messages, gave me incorrect information
when I asked how things worked and told the boss I was difficult
to deal. They iced me out at office social functions and made my
life a living hell. I finally quit even though I liked my boss.
I’m glad to be
gone from there but the more I think about the situation, the more
I want to get back at them. I’ve been told to forget it and move
on but these people cost me months of anguish. Now, they’re all
happy and I’m the one forced to move on even when I wasn’t the
one to blame. I’m not a mean person but I wish there was a way I
could get back at them.
Should I write a
letter to my former boss -- who wasn’t part of the problem –
and let her know what they’re like? Can you think of anything
else or anyway to convince her this went on? My new co-worker, who
likes me a lot, caught me crying in the bathroom Friday and when
she asked what the problem was I told her and she said to call
you. Can you help?
Answer:
Sure – write your letter, making it as factual as possible, mail
it (or don’t) and then forget your former coworkers. Every time
you think about them you pick at a scab, and re-open the wound.
Revenge tastes
sweet, but not as sweet as success. You have a new co-worker who
likes you and a job at which you can succeed. Go for the big
reward. Make your future great.
Question:
I have no memory for names and I’ve sometimes embarrassed myself
by not remembering the name of a co-worker I later saw at a social
event, but it hasn’t ever caused me a job problem until now. Our
company employs thirty contractors who come into the office
sporadically to pick up their assignments. When they come in the
door, they expect me to greet them and hand them their packets.
This morning, my
boss called me into the office and said that several contractors
have complained that I’ve been here three months and still ask
"and your name?" when they greet me. When I told him I
didn’t realize he’d expect me to know them all by name, he
said that since he traveled a great deal he needs the contractors
to get used to dealing with me and not him. He said I need to
learn their names and who they are so they’ll feel more
comfortable dealing with me in his absence. He also said I’d
given Tom’s packet to Peter and Peter had read confidential
material before realizing the error. I really like this job and
need some help with these names.
Answer:
If you can remember faces, you can remember names.
First, although
few people realize it, our minds house names in a
"visual" and not a "verbal" area of memory.
Thus, you can more easily remember names by mentally spelling them
than by saying them. So, the next time you meet "Tom,"
just look at him and let yourself imagine the letters
"T-O-M" right above his head. While this may sound
silly, it works.
Second, because
repetition aids memory, the next time you meet someone, use his
name several times in conversation. If you doubt the value of
repetition, ask yourself, "I" before "E"
except after . . . and chances are you’ll think "C,"
because you repeated this phrase over and over in second grade.
Third, start
engaging the contractors in brief conversations about their work.
Because most of us forget meaningless information, when you learn
about each contractor, you increase your chances of remembering
his name.
Fourth, test
yourself. Before you leave for the evening each day, think back on
the day and bring to mind the contractors who visited. Let
yourself see each face in your memory and then state the names.
According to researchers, self-testing increases long-term
retention by 70%.
Try these three
strategies for two days and if you don’t improve your name
retention, bring a camera to work and ask each contractor if you
can take a photo. Then, create a photo gallery cheat sheet and
place it on your desk until you’ve memorized every name.
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