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Questions
- June 11, 2002
by Dr. Lynne
Curry
Question:
I work in a job I love with mostly terrific co-workers and a
great boss. There’s just one problem, an employee here who seems
to thinks he’s always right and everyone else is always wrong.
He speaks in a condescending way to everyone, even our boss, but
lately he seems to be singling me out.
My job requires
me to do typing and project work for him and he tends to give me
instructions as he’s leaving the office or when I’m on my way
out the door. When he catches me just as I’m on my way out the
door after 5 and I say, "I’m really sorry, I’ve got to
leave. Could you give me this tomorrow or leave me a few notes on
it?" he says, "Can’t you remember something this
simple?" in a tone that implies I’m stupid. Most days, I
wind up running to get my legal pad, taking notes on his
assignment and being late to pick up my son at daycare.
Worse, he gives
instructions poorly and as a result when I follow his instructions
I often waste time doing a project incorrectly. When I suspect
something’s wrong and try to ask him questions he says "And
exactly what part of this don’t you get?" as if he’s
overwhelmed by my incompetency. He also acts like it’s my fault
when I he forgets to give me assignments and then – even when he
realizes he forgot – acts like I forgot.
I’ve always
used a "kill them with kindness" approach but this man
manages to make me feel crappy most days. I want to learn how not
to let him get to me.
Answer:
Workplace bullies generally pick on one or two individuals who
don’t fight back. The next time he insults you with his tone of
voice, give him a polite "back up and back off" by
ignoring his tone and answering his jibes directly. If he asks,
"what part of this don’t you get?" tell him the parts
that need clarifying. When he says, "Can’t you remember
something this simple?" answer "No, I wouldn’t ask you
if I could remember. I’ll be glad to meet with you in the
morning, though, and take notes. Or you can leave me notes."
When you talk
with him, keep your tone of voice polite and keep your temper.
Those who react with upset only play the bully’s game. If you
try to be polite and find it doesn’t work, say "I won’t
let you talk to me that way." Then, walk away.
Next, connect
with your boss. Those who condescend to others normally wreak
havoc in a workplace because the rest of us let them. Possibly she
thinks she’s his only target or maybe she doesn’t realize how
poorly he treats other employees. If she thinks you have a problem
with your memory or doesn’t think you’re catching on quickly
enough, you need to hear this. If, however, she says "You’re
doing great" then ask her how she wants you to handle your
co-worker’s rudeness. By giving her these examples you may give
her the information she needs to tackle a problematic situation.
Question:
I have been self-employed for several years. Because I
recently contracted Type 2 (adult onset) diabetes, I’ve found
health insurance increasingly expensive. I also realize insuring
me may be more than a small business employer wants to take on.
Should I be up front about my condition when I apply for a job?
Does an employer have a right to decide not to hire me because I’d
raise their insurance rates?
Answer:
You don’t need to tell an employer about any area of your
life that doesn’t impact your future job performance. According
to attorney Joan Rohlf, "Most responsible employers would
actually prefer you NOT volunteer information about any disability
or health condition you have during the initial interview.
Further, the Americans with Disabilities Act prohibits employers
from asking about medical issues until after a conditional offer
of employment has been
made." Rohlf
adds that your volunteering the information at this stage can
create an uncomfortable situation for employers, since such
information may unintentionally lead them into legal hot waters.
Alternatively,
while Rohlf gives the "legal" answer, you may want to
mention your diabetes and let the chips fall where they may.
Applicants honest enough to raise potentially troublesome issues
during the initial interview both win an prospective employer’s
respect and avoid getting into employment relationships that sour
due to later "by the way, I didn’t mention this
earlier" surprises.
Finally, Rohlf
says the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act
("HIPAA") prohibits insurers from discriminating against
insured workers based on their medical condition and urges you to
get a copy of this Act.
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