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Soap
Opera at the Office
by Dr. Lynne
Curry
Question:
Ever since we hired "John" we’ve had a live soap opera
in our company. We moved "John" and his family here from
out of state because of his great credentials. No one thought to
ask him in the interview process whether his marriage was rocky
and when John said his wife "Ellen" had secretarial
skills, we hired her to work part-time in the mornings.
Within two days
of arriving here, John developed what he calls "just a
friendship" with "Sally", a cute, young female
employee. This torques off his wife and when John doesn’t head
home promptly after work she calls John’s co-workers and me and
asks, "Do you know where he is right now?"
My employees all
feel involved in Ellen’s dilemma and sorry for her. They talk
about this situation a lot and many expect me to take action on
Ellen’s behalf. They seem to feel that since I supervise all
three employees I am supposed to do something. Frankly my heart
goes out to a woman who moves to a new state, away from friends
and family, and has to deal with a husband who plays around.
I especially need
to know what to answer when Ellen asks me questions. Do I just
say, "I don’t know" when she asks me "where’s
John, he’s not home yet?" when, in fact, I strongly suspect
John’s involved with Sally?.Should I talk to Sally?.Should I ask
one of the male employees to have a heart-to-heart with John?.What
are my options here?.
Answer:
If you aren’t careful, when you hire an employee, you hire
his or her problems. Because many employees spend more waking
hours at work than at home, some employees treat their co-workers
and managers as their work family. As a result, employees take an
interest in each other’s lives and expect a listening ear and
support from co-workers or managers when home life gets rough.
Although our work
and home lives thus often intertwine, when the line between work
and home life completely blurs for employees, managers need to
step in and say "enough." You and your employees want to
help Ellen. Does it help Ellen to live out her private drama in
public view?.How does she feel when she walks down the hallway and
overhears one coworker saying to another "Poor Ellen"?
Your job –
support Ellen as an employee rather than as a wife. When you
overhear employees discussing Ellen’s situations, ask them to
stop. Suggest that if they want to help Ellen, they offer her
individual support and not discuss her troubles among themselves.
Remind them that any employee needs in acclimating to a new
community. Point out that they can offer Ellen help by inviting
her out for coffee or by helping her find a good mechanic, a good
dentist, the best grocery store or even a good counselor.
When Ellen asks
you questions, answer without indulging in gossip or attempting
amateur marriage counseling. If she asks you, "Where is
John?" or "do you know what’s going on?",
respond, "I think that’s between you and John." If she
wants to talk, listen. If she’s doing a good job for you, let
her know. If she wants time off without pay to straighten her home
situation out, try to accommodate her.
Next, limit new
at-work soap opera episodes. Meet with John, and let him know that
while you value his credentials his actions appear to be fueling
widespread gossip. Ask that he not interact with Sally in any
manner other than professional while at work. Meet with Sally and
ask that if she’s involved in any way with John off the job to
not show indications of that at the work site.
Finally, realize
the John, Ellen, Sally soap opera may represent the tip of a
gossip iceberg. You and your employees may have become too much of
a family and if many of them truly expected you to take an active
role in this drama, you appear to be labeled "mom".
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