|
Telling
the Truth & the Negative Control Freak
by Dr. Lynne
Curry
Question:
My co-worker hates her job and our boss. I like my co-worker but
her complaints have started to get on my nerves. I don’t really
mind listening to her but I know she isn’t going to do anything
about the situation and our boss isn’t going to change. Our boss
isn’t so bad, she’s just a bit compulsive, but if you know how
to take her when she gets uptight, she calms right down. I told my
co-worker how I handle the boss but she thinks the boss should
change and she gets really wound up about it and says she’s
losing sleep and having fights with her kids because the situation
is so intolerable that she goes home in a bad mood every night.
How can I tell my co-worker to talk about something else without
hurting her feelings and appearing cold and uncaring? I don’t
want her to think I’m not her friend.
Answer:
How about, "Oh, gee, that’s too bad, have you seen any
good movies lately?" or "I really like you and wish I
could help you with our boss. If I can, I want to but if not,
maybe we could talk about something else and get your mind off
it."
Alternatively,
you could really be her friend and tell her the truth. If you
would tell her if she had bad breath or a piece of her lunch stuck
to her chin because being a friend means looking out for her best
interests, what keeps you from saying, "You know, you really
aren’t happy here. I want you to stay but our boss drives you
nuts and this job isn’t worth what it’s doing to you. What can
I do to help? And have you thought about getting a different job
where you’re happier?"
Question:
I love my job, but work for a negative control freak who
singles me out, watching every step I take. In eight months, he’s
not once told me that I’m doing a good job, however, he manages
to comment each time I’m ten minutes late in the morning. Even
though others spend time on the phone on personal calls, I’m the
only one he talks to about it. Because of my boss, I hate my job.
What can I do?
Answer:
You can start arriving on time for work. You can cut out the
personal phone calls. Although these issues seem petty to you,
they’re important to your boss. Take a clue from the fact that
he talks to you about areas in which he grants other employees
flexibility. This indicates the problem may be you, not him. Even
if the problem is totally his, you gain bargaining power with a
supervisor when you fix problems that obviously grate on him.
Next, ask your
supervisor for a meeting and let him know you’d like to meet his
expectations and improve your working relationship. Tell him you
realize he has issues with your tardiness and personal calls. Tell
him you’ve resolved to fix both problems and ask what else it
would take – on your part – to improve your working
relationship and earn the flexibility he gives others.
Your supervisor’s
answer may surprise you. Possibly, he’ll tell you the others
earned flexible treatment by working above and beyond their job
descriptions. Most control freaks loosen the reins when employees
earn their trust. If, however, your supervisor blasts you with
negative information or you leave the meeting realizing you’ll
never meet his expectations, consider resigning. Although it may
seem unfair for you to have to leave a job when your boss is the
problem, why waste time waiting for fairness from a "negative
control freak"? Sometimes voting with your feet proves the
best strategy for handling an overly controlling, negative boss.
|
