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Too
Much
by Dr. Lynne
Curry
Question:
My new co-worker tells me too much about her personal life. She
can't seem to stop telling me about her past, her secrets, her feelings
and her inner conflicts. I realize I just need to tell her to stop,
but I don't want to make an enemy out of her. I've acted interested
because anything else seems rude, but I haven't told her anything
about myself. I thought she would get the hint this morning when
I didn't answer her questions about who I'm dating but she just
launched in to stories of her own dating and she's married. Help!
Answer:
When hints don't work, you need to tell the truth.
Before she launches into her next story, ask her how she likes her
new job. When she tells you, let her know that you are looking forward
to working with her. Let her know also that you hope she won't consider
you standoffish, but that you're one of those people who likes to
get to know someone slowly. If she asks you what you mean, explain
that you want to have a good working relationship with her but you're
not the type who shares a lot of personal information quickly and
you hope she won't take that the wrong way.
To
soften the edge of what you're saying, let her know you've brought
some bagels or muffins to share with her and everyone else in the
office and thought you'd offer them to her before you put them next
to the coffee pot. If she still manages to take offense, maintain
your cordialness to her until she realizes you want to friendly
but not a best friend and transfers her story-sharing quest to someone
else.
Question:
I'm up for a promotion in my company. The problem is that my immediate
supervisor is jealous of me and the selection committee plans to
ask her for her view of me. Since she doesn't want me to get this
promotion, I'm afraid she'll give the committee a poor impression
of me. How can I tactfully let the selection committee know this
without appearing to be a paranoid bad-mouther?
Answer:
When you have something negative to say, the less you say the better.
Otherwise, the mud you toss may wind up in your face. Your best
bet - don't tackle this situation personally. Instead, find out
which other references the selection committee intends to interview.
If they name an individual you can trust to keep what you say confidential,
mention to this reference that you fear your supervisor may subtly
disparage you and let him or her handle it.
If
you don't have access to this type of third party help, and your
selection committee asks if you have anything to add at the end
of your interview with them, mention that there's one thing. Say
that you realize they plan to interview your supervisor and you
hope your supervisor sees your opportunity for a potential promotion
positively. At least one member of the committee will take this
as a reminder to consider the source when listening to your supervisor's
reference comments.
Question:
I'm 33 and tired of working and want to take a break. Our company
needs to downsize but they have no plans to eliminate my position.
They are, however, offering what they call an "enhanced retirement
package" to workers 50 and over. This seems totally unfair
to me.
I want to take the offer, as it would give me the chance to take
a six-month break. Is there any way to challenge this preferential
offer being given to older employees?
Answer:
Possibly. Although according to attorney Tom Daniel, most courts
allow companies to offer preferential retirement packages to older
employees," the 6th Circuit Court recently ruled that a group
of United Auto Workers Union workers in their 40s can sue their
employer under the Age Discrimination in Employment Act (ADEA) for
offering older employees a better retirement position.
While
the ADEA statutes govern only workers above the age of 40, employees
in some state receive age discrimination protection at younger ages.
For example, in Alaska and New York, state age discrimination statutes
protect employees as young as 18, while state statutes in Washington,
Illinois and most other states mirror the federal statutes and start
age discrimination protection at 40.
Before
you ask your company to consider you as eligible for this offering
or seek an attorney to help you challenge your company's offering,
realize you face an uphill battle. Because your company has a legitimate
business reason to keep you employed and given that many courts
see older employees as a group with rights deserving protection,
you might need to one to two years in legal efforts to have a less
than fifty percent chance of gaining your six month break.
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